things are not as they appear

in meditation today
something about the 10/17 and the 10:17
and the 17 hours
not really sure what it means

some sort of release realize who your being
your being something real
it's all too beautiful to conceive
this spirtual revealing

but for 17 hours today till the clock
strikes 1:17am look into your soul
and be

is this what happens today
is this what it means
lots of endings and some beginnings
for me

i hurt many today in a simple this is life sort of way
letting them know, that i'm leaving in a few days
the last long several years stuck in the same space
3 years is my cap. i am realizing my dear
up to 3 years, till i hit the ceiling
i will put up with what i believe to be necessary
for my resume or checklist
for these notches on my belt, my nightstand, my head rest
and pounce on the next unsuspecting suspect
but i'm so loving, to your bewilderment
you can't help but grab on for fear of what will replace me
when i'm gone

it's natural
it's part of life
this loss

and i hurt people with my honesty, my subtle words that come out
cuz i can't keep it in, and i reap the percussions of hurdling at your soul
your eyes disillusioned, because i wasn't honest before
or perhaps i didn't disclose
thus, I led you to believe that things were 100% good
or the way they seemed
and you get off the phone so abruptly

caution in your voice
fear and sadness
and anger
for me so innocent and sweet
throwing a thorn threw your satchel
in the middle of your day when you've got a million other things on your mind
and you notice i've called, or expectingly wait, my laughter on the other end, life
only to hear
things are not as they appear
and the end is all too near

or visible not what you thought you knew
and tonight you have to reshape your world
resolve your old views
because you think too much about other people
and what they should be, and how they should do
when in reality its all your image and ideal

that no one else can
ever live up to
it's all on you
in your head
you

tonight you will rework in your dreams
and find someone new to grab on to