every time the reminders of what i've done
who i've been
where i've gone
what i've done
what i've done
as i sip the white wine
that i cannot even stand sweet sugar
sifting sand
and the sighs of worry
that i have to hear
i'd rather just avoid it all together
but that doesn't work either
then i feel sad, mad, comfort and guilt
all combined into one chaotic quilt
joan jett was at the hotel tonight
i'd rather just avoid it all together
because a part of me cannot deal
does not know how to deal
though this year i've gotten better
but still a slip up here, a slip up there
still moving forward on this painful path i need to walk
slow, often crawl, because i am afraid to admit
to the one who needs to hear it
in words
beause action speak louder
so i'm getting ready to go
in even that alone
though my laze wants me to avoid it
remain in the comfort of my home
afraid one day it will all be torn
all my actions, or inactions paralyzed by fear
joan jett was at the hotel tonight
but i know i've gotta please the one inside
can't live in fear
for others who may one day just give up on me
throw in the towel
because i'm just not worth the trouble anymore
which in that case, i'd be left with nothing
not even me
in this scenario
where i go
driven by gut
a step towards action and proof
at least i'd still have me
and maybe one more
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