an element of an elephant

today turned out to be my lucky day
even though there was an element of an elephant
when i wasn't afriad to let go
i was given something in return

so many days spent trying to walk away
but afraid
the elephant in the room getting bigger by the day
the elephant in my world, refusing to go away

finally when i let the energy go, just go
i let the new energy grow

it's like dead hair or a bad nail polish color
sometimes the illness is hard to let go
even when you know what you have to do
sometimes the truth is hard to swallow
the path hard to follow

but strength in mind, heart, and gut
is the only thing you can trust
not these people who frown, or taunt in disgust

telling you the illness is not real
trying to control how you think and feel
not willing to acknowledge the madness is damaging time
wreaking havoc on space

the illness is there on so many levels,
it's in their words
the way they evoke guilt

it's in their eyes
the way they suggest disappointment

it's in the glass
always full of contempt, until we toast, and drink and smile
so lets drink to drown these sorrows

the illness now in our veins, our togetherness
seeled in our blood

so many years i tried to walk away
but the patterns were so emblazoned on my cornea, my pupils
vision blurred

because what lay beyond was clouded by a fear that refused to clear
and they knew i feared, and they feared that the end was always near
and they tried to hold on, and they tried to remind me of who i used to be
they tried to get me to be that which is old, lent, spent, and used
for their good

the elephant reared it's head a few times today
but i refused to be re-used hahahehe, i just wanna laugh
because you'll never control me again