Sex in Death

Loving you loving me in emptiness in death
I want to feel you
saying your last words
heaving you last breast
breathing your last breath

Under me as we breathe
I want to see a burning ocean
of ours so deep

In a house full of artists I create
In a home with a family you wait
for night to fall
so you can escape.

I want to slide into your deep sleep
Underneath a veil of heartbreak you keep
secrets from me, from her, from the rest of the world
hiding your sorrow, sadness, desire for one girl
who'd rather follow the footsteps of the dead
waking you up your sex in death

You see me, I see you
Desire within desire ensues
But straddling life and death it seems
that sinking ship of your sex encompasses my dreams
As I lay awake half alive consumed of you
As you lay half dead in your world askew

We've lived this moment for years and years
you dead, me awake, you alive and up late
While I sleep in tender dreams
The torrid nightmare of fate
This isn't about you, your sex, us nor anything
in between

This is about the death we live day to day
and the infinte emptiness that ensues.
The solitude that we embrace and the ultimate
passion that leads us to the pearly gates.

Saturday

Another rough Saturday, it's the middle of the day that
Saturdays like this haven't had it so rough in days
It keeps coming up and I feel my stomach in my heart

If vomiting was my style I'd let it slip through
It's 2:53 PM my birth time I cant sit still
I'd rather be working on something creative
or lounging on the beach with you
or whoever who

But there is so much I can do here at this desk
Trapped on Twitter Facebook is a mess
Jesus Christ doesn't no longer exist
In a few days I long for a outing a trip a new date

But as evening falls into the night
The wind blows and I get out of this fright
And the doors open wide and my heart settles in
I'm no longer worried and sadness creeps in.

Injustice and Anger

Trying to figure out how to repair it
Make some calculated moves to change it
Cannot turn back the time
But how can I fix it?

Maybe I need to leave it
Just for a week or two
maybe I need to relieve it
To Clean up me and you

But what I'm finding
is underneath all this armor
all the ruckus and clamor
Is a lot of injustice and anger

You said one thing
but really meant another
and all I was just looking
was to be your libidinous lover
in between kindness and generosity
were words of insult and neglect
a child of this history
what else can I expect

Today I'm suffering skin flecks and itching
It's my karma to bear
But you know I don't believe it
Just miss our safety your care

And your off and running.
I'm scared.
Stay safe, and take care.

Art and or Drugs

Sober and awake
Sad and alone
Luckily this house is not so empty as an empty home

I keep getting re-injured
And I feel so fragile today
I know it's temporary
And it'll go away
Anything else I cannot do today....

Materialistic girls, looking forward to a glamorous future
but somewhere recognized it was superfluous
and traded it in for art
and
or
drugs.

I'm mad at myself today for making too many moves
too many decisions and speaking way too soon
I'm not going to do much to change it
I'm gonna live through it
try to recognize it and maybe even save it
I'm always the one doing these things for you
I'm always the one when you can't do it
In return
Getting angry so soon
Getting angry at the past too

It's a good day
Owning my feelings and pain this way
haven't turned on the tv nor tried to run away
It's a fucking good day today.

Drinking Wine well into the Night

Some nights are just not creative, try as I might
So I write a journal entry in hopes that it will insight
Drinking wine well into the night

I wanna write something about the men and women that I love.
I wanna write something about loving more than one man at a time.
I wanna write something totally self indulgent about taking taking taking
Selfless lover giving, living, heaving, then leaving.
My libido selfish and needy
My soul hungry and greedy

I've got this urge to be totally obsessed in my writing in my art
I've got this urge to be totally obsessed and undressed by your heart
I'll kiss you on the neck and wherever else you want it
But call me when its not warranted and you won't reach me
It's sad and true
You exist here for me, not me for you.

But in the end I will give you more than your heart desires.
I'm the dream come true for you, come witness all this fire
The passion burns all day and night in art and love in sex and fight
You won't be sorry in the end
It's living life to the fullest every minute every second.

Keeping up is part of the ultimate draw
Staying up with me but having your world already in place
is the one that keeps the fire ignited
Strange as it may seem, a busy man is a sexy man
Whether it be work, music or family a self obsessed man
with a palate and a plan with libido in hand.

Forgiven Me

She's forgiven me I hope
After our last interlude
When I gave her the final note
Of what really happened to me in those last days
But she's back to her old ways
Perhaps they're her only way
And I'm back to sorry but this time its ok
But this time I pity her pain
When truthfully there is no pity no pain
This is just the way, her way and let it be as it may.

A Star That Shines Really Bright

Some late night parties with girls, rockstars coming up
Just a dumb guitarist
And then her big eyes and exclamations to hear it,
That girl over there, yes, she lives it.
Holy high hell Batman
She cannot believe it.

Come home empty to an empty room
Once craving the love of a man who is too consumed
Now fallen out of love so it seems
A bird growing a new set of wings
Still trying to come clean
He understood so it seemed
But then followed me to the bedroom

But today is another day
He will have to come face to face with the truth

He's still in the dark
About the transformations of the lark.
And, don't want to jinx it so
I just let it go.

And old girlfriends keep stirring the pot
An old friend heavy in my thoughts
It's just a rock n roll drug induced dream
Just another dumb guitarist on the edge of living clean
There is no way in holy high hell, she's just a teen.

Sweetness and pain mix so well together
like when the longest day turns into the longest night
I know it's sad to you the things I am going to do.
But I'm kind of indifferent. I kind of say 'fuck you.'
It's just a dumb guitarist and a girl's plight
Not the sharpest knife, but a star that shines really bright.

That's Just Not The Truth

I spoke too soon and it's been a weird two days
Back in the throes of this rock n roll haze
Love is one thing, but cannot stand in the ways

So, here we are all best of friends
But the tides have changed,
and some if this dies and comes to an end

Then there is the mean, spiteful angry and rude
There hasn't been much done wrong just the plight of a dude
Overly tired we can all snap and be crude
One guy for me for you? in the end that's just not the truth.

Still we'll rock our souls
Heads will roll
We will go get our lovin somewhere else out on the road,

If that makes you whole.
If that makes me whole.

On The Road

Busy living the dream, life out on the road
We will come together when I finally come home
I think the time is bringing me closer to you
The time might be coming to come out with the truth

Willingly having all sorts of acceptance and freedom
No rules nothing but commitment to our cause
Simply partners and what else is there..
Open & free, living life on the road
In the air, we have no home
We sometimes share a bed, but leave well enough alone.

Until next time these thoughts of you in my head
Fantasy in your long distance messages and we'll talk
about the sexy love we make in your bed
Love to you, from the road, my dear friend

Clockwork (Written in Sept 2009 )

Heavy footed literary girl
Your eyes are like rain
belly full of regret and fruit flavored gum drops
wide awake again

2AM-4AM the clock ticks in the dark
It's almost like clockwork
Gripped with fear, sadness, loneliness and despair
Is this journey worth it in the end?

Eyes wide open staring into an abyss
What if this goes nowhere?
The quiet hum of an air conditioner breeze,
reminders of a life you threw away

Most days you don't look back my little literary girl
To this end you seem very brave

But then the darkest hour,
just before dawn when he'd
come to bed and hold you
even though all else was wrong with the two of you
at that moment all else would melt away
The evil tiresome worries of the day
The devil at rest in dreams, evil at bay
Until the next morning when the monster would awake

I wait years and years now it seems
To put forth in motion these very dreams
words like driven, dedicated, devoted, replace glamour and pristine

One day we'll get out of here
One day we'll have money, fame, lights and stage
One day, I've been waiting too many years
One day too far away may never come, it seems...

Loving is not a Lie

I hope I haven't hurt you
I hope you're not too afraid of being too eyes closed
I don't take it lightly and I don't take it slightly
Your warmth smile crazy energy drives me wild

I say sorry in advance for the way I live
It's honest and open and crazy
It's complicated does it make you uneasy

It makes me sad in advance for I've been planning this for years
to take off and live on the road
a rock n roll artist like a bohemian and gypsy
the circus life, right here in my living room

I know that America here is your life
with fertility goddess breath in my ears
I know you're not looking for more kids or a wife
And with that I hope we can remain friends for many years

I hope I haven't offended you or scared you away
I know we cannot to talk every day
but all of a sudden I'm feeling these mad crazy feelings
and I know you are somewhat pulling away

We both come with conditions and baggage
and we can't make us number one today
I know you see its the same for you
We're actually perfect that way

I'm not going to let you hear this now
Mercury is retrograde
The moon is full in the sky
I hope you know that loving is not a lie.
For I will make time for you over here on the side.