I Like to Party With Strangers

The miseducation of family values. 
The suburbs and the nuclear family
Has made your vision all blurry
Don't believe the lies
Coming out queer
I like partying with strangers
Listen up my dear
There is more safety in danger


Christmas is hollow when we follow
Obligations fall flat
I no longer linger
There is no coming back even if you

I'll give you  gift
when I want to my dear

on these deaf ears
Don't let this be the waste 
of our years

I no longer quiver
Death to the believer
Christian religious deceivers
That family is somehow better
That blood makes us clever
When we've been ostracized for years and years
for beliefs beyond your fears
Ostracized beyond these tears

beg and plead

I like to party with strangers
There is safety in danger

Sunday Night in New York

Sunday night in New York
These words are my stories
I miss you somewhere in the dark
somewhere I left you out West

Sunday day in New York
The sun shined for an hour
then the snow came tumbling down
and I had to hibernate

I wished you were here
while we watch tv my dear
no reason to go out there
except to go home I fear

Summer will be here
stinky New York summer
and us too
you and me
we are coming here

Desert cold
The sisters the holiday parties
It all sounds fun
But I'd rather stay in
our West Hollywood
SilverLake Downtown apartment

But we will be here next year
Are you ready my dears?

Los Angeles After Midnight

Los Angeles after midnight
Dark city pulsing
Where I love to be
Sometimes I slip into insanity
With the kids
Who dive with me  4,5,6 AM
Slipping and sliding into another reality 

(from summer 2012)

Mirror Image

Yes, I am guilty
Yes, I am sorry
But no time for apologies
Let's make things better in this world
Let's start here right now
Let me start with you

Let bygones be bygones
forgive me, myself I do
let go of the past
the old me
the stories
the mirror image
the reflection
let it all go
I forgive you too

For you held my image so tight
Spit me out instead of fight
Never tell me
Never tell me
If you never tell me
How will I know?

So, yes I am guilty
But I see you in me
I can't make it right
If you don't see the light

I Heard You Today

Messages come from the strangest places
Least expected faces
Worried, scaring
Don't die on my left strings and laces

Words don't fall on deaf ears
I am tired after all these years
I don't pretend I have no fears
but I party from behind lines and tears

I heard you today
Two people
Random and not
in the same way
Not my best friends I wouldn't say
But friends none the less if you think of me this way

Please don't you said
Please stop you said
Please don't die like the rest

I heard you today.

10 Steps

It seems as though we are on the precipice 
but the dark side keeps trying to reel me back in.
There's a temporary escape but there is more freedom in lightness

Lets spend the evening together 
Quickly turns into missed appointments and lost days
Missed calls and my flakey ways
I'm just too busy or too old in my heart
To play this game
Any game
Any heady relationship game
They all wanna play
They all wanna chase

I'd rather stay focused and in place
Than tired and out of step
10 steps behind where I need to be
Which is still ahead of you
Though I always say its not a race
10 steps ahead of you
Since you don't follow me anyway
10 steps and far away
Inside I know 
I'd rather not belong to you or anyone for that matter
Anyday

The Sun

Another ex boyfriend is moving out 
Because
A lioness does all the hunting
The city of angels is ruled by the sun

A nation under god but over medicated
What's the street called again?
It's named after a tree or flower or something
Let's drive there, no let's walk.
Yes, that will be much more fun.

I will live here in this sun
I will drive to Hollywood once we are done
I will sleep there once in a while
I will die when the sun goes down

It Was Coming

I say I don't
But really I do

I say let's play
But really the game
means so much more
or so much less
than fun

And I pretend it's not
what you pretend it to be
I pretend it's no more
no hope that
we will see

And I lie to myself
then I cry myself to sleep
then 2AM it comes
and another appears
up ahead
and I know
because I don't
want
need
feel

That this must have been real

I wish it meant less
or more to you than me
I wish the shoe fit just like a glove
or a feeling like a bird sits in a tree
I wish I wouldn't fall to flights of fancy or freedom
But I know it's not random or nothing
I know it meant something

To me I know
It was coming.

You Must Go

with a pinata and a pedal with a little bit-a poetry,
a smile was returned to it's usual place
like a bat out of hell.

it takes years and years
it takes guts and tears
it takes a strong pull

It will only go as fast as it will go
but you must go
every day
you must go
for this to grow.

What happened to Psychology

Is it lost in a social marketing media world of life coaches and love coaches and dating coaches
Is it lost in gimmicks and self help dribble?

And what of private practice? Have I strayed too far from the local scene to try and reach an non reachable international market? A market that takes freely. And gives in only to the fame game.

And my party friends of yesterday what do we have in common anymore?
but the party
my day-to-day seems miles apart and miles away
we do different things by day
I realize I no longer need you to stay

What happened to psychology
is it a numbers game
how many subscribers you have
how many followers you have 
how many likes you have

what happened to good ole psychology
investing in your unconscious
following in the footsteps of Freud and Yalom
following the emotional holocaust
the 5 day analysis

Media killed Psychology
the death kiss of it's day
Media took away all the insight
and left us with all it's pain

I Choose Voices

Workaholic and selfish
I don't have time for relationships
a slew of fair weathered friendships
a ton of late night parties
Then I disappear

So many options
I can't be everything to everyone
Nor something to just one
Unless I am someone to me
Center of my own universe

I work hard and I play hard
and in between I sleep

I choose my patients over my friends
I choose my patience over my friends
Until the weekend
I choose my voice then

Callous and cold
I say yes then I say no
but part of me feels like
you had your chance
and now it's my turn.

We all choose
In the end
yes we do

I don't regret my choices
do you?
I don't regret my voices,
either.

It's painful but I do, choose my guitar over you.

The Same Conversations

She went back in Los Angeles

sitting around the living room

everyone was still having the same conversations

saying the same old thing

talking about the same things

over and over again

nothing has changed

She was back in London

It's good to see all my old friends

and have some tea with you again

But you're all still ill

having the same conversations

saying the same things over and over

Nothing has changed

I see your face

You're still going to the same parties

Still going to the same parties

In your red party dress

Nothing stays the same

but nothing has really changed

I now seem some more lines on your face

I now seem some more age and maybe grace

I now see you falling from disgrace

unless you change the pace

the story never changes

and we are all the same

And I'm glad I'm not an actress

I guess I'm glad I'm not an actress

For, who places these words on the city scape

Who is the one trying so hard to please

trying so hard to fit in

Who is the one trying to hide ?

Where is this space so-called safe?

The Wrong Continent

You're so self obsessed it's infuriating
he once said
and little did I know
my friend would beat up your friend
I said
and she says, not my friend
but I met her at your party
I say

the bastard friend
of us bastard children
looking for our mums
looking for a friend

dadless children
walking around
naked
in an unattractive light
with bruises all around

aggression
your blue black eyes
I almost checked myself into
the chateau
the monastery
the chateau du monastery

children of divorce
provencial
she's not French I told the Austrian
and we surmised
the American boys are
all afraid of commitment

thus
we're on the wrong continent.
Intensely wrong.

Friend or Fool?

I have walked alone
I have cried many fears
I have suffered the company of zeros
been torn down by yellow jackets
sworn to tears by scorpions
scratched at and daggers by monkeys and dragons

You can apologize you feel bad for being honest
I am not afraid of the truth
It doesn't mean I will like you
When you can't see the beauty in what is

You can walk away with your tail between your legs
because I stand up for myself
You can try to turn the tables
for your actions

I will gladly walk alone
Today
I will gladly go it alone
my way

I will appreciate your honesty
I will always respect you this
Doesn't mean we have to be friends

Does not mean, we have to be friends
what are friends anyway?
I have many and I have none

In the end, what are they anyway?
A friend or a fool
is it not one in the same?