One of those days...

Where I float and it feels like I should just float off the page
I need the distractions, but then they become just that
Distractions
When there is so much water and dirt and soil to grow ten million trees right here
Wandering off into some other gardens
I'm less evolved than most
More needy than most
and Now today I feel bad
Sad
And ready to go
back into my shell and close the door
write the story lines or the songs of the days long gone

God it's all just so ridiculous how I want to float around
How I crave some balance
How sad I am today

And, he's right....he's right on many levels
except for the ones he tries to understand
but even then he is right

It's too hard to go it alone
36 and still not brave it would seem
a waste of time
this life
if all this time and all I do is learn
it would seem, i said

I want a new life
your're already bored of this one she asks
yup

In my fickle ways, and the last 7 or 8 not so fickle years
of rock and roll and punk mayhem
and all of a sudden realizing your Iron Maiden undertones
not underwear with skulls on them all your chains and metal
pretty pretty fishnets and long blonde hair ways
it's ok this fashion when you really want to hear some keyboard and literal
meanings that make you think

fuck that cheesy crap
fuck the rocky road ways
maybe its time to return to my ways
or maybe its just time to explore deeper the skin
love the skin your in

some dance and moody mixture band from some endless road comes
and its beauty has beseeched me and left me sullen and empty
for his body and mind
I was once so absorbed by
and love won't go away thats for sure
but realization of my truth may take me away

Romantic Evening

Driving around during magic hour
listening to the droning sadness of The Cure
visions of a lesbian-fronted version to call my own

And the weight has been lifted,
because I worry for no reason
a non-jealous supportive response
to some old baggage I hold on to
and I want to cry, or sigh
who is this person, and why is he letting me be me
free

I drive around alone, during magic hour
I hardly work anymore and tonight I go home alone
Last night I tossed and turned overcome by fear and worry
tonight I'll sleep like a baby

I feel in love on and off
but that's not the point anymore
and now that's been established
we can move on
hold my hand in support, but not in possession
not in ownership
if you love someone set them free

Romantic evening I drive around alone
Downtown, Chinatown, Little Tokyo, and under the bridge
Dreaming of friends and freedom and the taste of wine on my lips

The sun sets and it's too dark to even write anymore
It's getting too dark to write here anymore
And they've all started walking home, holding hands

Sometimes the words they spill like a faucet
but only when happiness and inspiration, which are basically the same thing anyway, meet

Being out and about
Summer LA nights
the lights so bright far off in the distance

I stay out late alone
This is home.

billy sleeping on the couch

deep sigh
go in there and just stop thinking
deep sigh
or stay in here and keep blinking
anxious belly
nows the time billy
sleeping on the couch

guitar entrance
or midi experiment
this morning in Target
I felt this experience

valley living for a reason keep reminders
guitar strumming lets play already
come fix this thing here and change your picture my dear
I just don't like to say things like that, cuz I got angry when you said it to me
I tell you and I will cuz I have to get over these things.....

Woman of Leisure

Literary genius, making a name for yourself, still partying by candlelight, and making people go crazy
new discoveries, and memories, and reminders of what is so easily, just be, exist in neutrality
let the love in please

every time he takes his pants down for you does he get angry? treat you so badly
and everytime do you blame yourself pull away, tired of hearing his blathering ways
so tired again today

she wants to jam, invite her over I say
otherwise I will sit in here and write these essays all doggone day
cuz i'm not picking up the guitar today not when I already did so much work today
I'm a woman of leisure these days, remember

books, and journals, and books and journals, throw in a magazine here and there
turn on the computer and maybe the work will come my way
now there is an idea, i say.

I Can Barely See

I never see myself playing guitar anymore....i'm not out of the woods yet, I never see the forest for the trees.....I'm down on these knees, meant for these bees please, let me on this stage, let me smell the sweat pour down our foreheads please. Before I am so jaded and retired.
If only I could see the guitar holding so tightly on to me . Not letting me be. Not letting me sleep.
Every morning it's anxiety. No, really what is going to happen to me. Thinking it's something devastatingly deathful and untasteful. When really who really knows.
I'm tired and maybe it's just time to sleep, eat, sleep and eat some more.