We Are Suicide Kings

I've been obsessed with sex and I've been obsessed with danger
I've gone over to the dark side with women
I've sucked the life and put death into men
But what I don't believe I've done
is put my hand on the trigger of your gun.

I've kissed the hands of aristocrats and I've licked the lips of strangers
I've put my heart on a platter for a man, a woman and their daughter
I've sucked the wax off of a hot candle for a whore
I've kicked the gut in on an empty pathetic bore.
But what I have yet to do is sink deep into your mission.
What I have yet to do is commit this ultimate sin of treason.

I've broken up homes, and families, including mine.
I've broken up marriages and alliances with wine.
I've thrown away my honesty, and faith
To get closer to your truth
I've even drank your so called lemonade from the fountain of your youth

And though most days I believe you, in this war that you are wielding.
I know I'm fighting the fight for humanity dead and unyielding.

The end is near, the end is here
I'm going down with a fight
I'm gonna stomp the front lines
I've got my finger on the trigger
I've got my finger on the trigger
They won't be able to stop me
or hold me down tonight
I'm going down either way
I'm going down with a fight

This is not just edgy, this is not just racy
This is not just some political controvertiality
tempting racism, sexism, homophobia or fucking neutrality
This is the real shit and we're going down with a fight
This is the damnedest shit, cuz we believe in what is right.

This Girl

On the day that I leave
6 months from now
I will say to you
You saved me from insanity
For the last 8 months
You were my sunlight
The bright light at the end of the tunnel
You kept me sane in my darkest days
You were the sweetest moments peace of sacred love and being
A sacred temple in my heart

And on that bittersweet day in June
I swore to keep you safe from the ugliness of my heart
I swore to shelter you from the darkness of my world
The darkest part of my soul
My desperation and self harm
Aggression and anger
I swear to bear the grunt of this sad girl

And on this bittersweet day in June
I vow to feed you from the sweetest part of my heart
Smiles and gentle peaceful songs
For bearing the brunt of this sad girl
For tearing away the layers
Returning me to sweet innocence
Laughter joys of childhood
For sharing the flowers of this world

Sex in Death

Loving you loving me in emptiness in death
I want to feel you
saying your last words
heaving you last breast
breathing your last breath

Under me as we breathe
I want to see a burning ocean
of ours so deep

In a house full of artists I create
In a home with a family you wait
for night to fall
so you can escape.

I want to slide into your deep sleep
Underneath a veil of heartbreak you keep
secrets from me, from her, from the rest of the world
hiding your sorrow, sadness, desire for one girl
who'd rather follow the footsteps of the dead
waking you up your sex in death

You see me, I see you
Desire within desire ensues
But straddling life and death it seems
that sinking ship of your sex encompasses my dreams
As I lay awake half alive consumed of you
As you lay half dead in your world askew

We've lived this moment for years and years
you dead, me awake, you alive and up late
While I sleep in tender dreams
The torrid nightmare of fate
This isn't about you, your sex, us nor anything
in between

This is about the death we live day to day
and the infinte emptiness that ensues.
The solitude that we embrace and the ultimate
passion that leads us to the pearly gates.

Saturday

Another rough Saturday, it's the middle of the day that
Saturdays like this haven't had it so rough in days
It keeps coming up and I feel my stomach in my heart

If vomiting was my style I'd let it slip through
It's 2:53 PM my birth time I cant sit still
I'd rather be working on something creative
or lounging on the beach with you
or whoever who

But there is so much I can do here at this desk
Trapped on Twitter Facebook is a mess
Jesus Christ doesn't no longer exist
In a few days I long for a outing a trip a new date

But as evening falls into the night
The wind blows and I get out of this fright
And the doors open wide and my heart settles in
I'm no longer worried and sadness creeps in.

Injustice and Anger

Trying to figure out how to repair it
Make some calculated moves to change it
Cannot turn back the time
But how can I fix it?

Maybe I need to leave it
Just for a week or two
maybe I need to relieve it
To Clean up me and you

But what I'm finding
is underneath all this armor
all the ruckus and clamor
Is a lot of injustice and anger

You said one thing
but really meant another
and all I was just looking
was to be your libidinous lover
in between kindness and generosity
were words of insult and neglect
a child of this history
what else can I expect

Today I'm suffering skin flecks and itching
It's my karma to bear
But you know I don't believe it
Just miss our safety your care

And your off and running.
I'm scared.
Stay safe, and take care.

Art and or Drugs

Sober and awake
Sad and alone
Luckily this house is not so empty as an empty home

I keep getting re-injured
And I feel so fragile today
I know it's temporary
And it'll go away
Anything else I cannot do today....

Materialistic girls, looking forward to a glamorous future
but somewhere recognized it was superfluous
and traded it in for art
and
or
drugs.

I'm mad at myself today for making too many moves
too many decisions and speaking way too soon
I'm not going to do much to change it
I'm gonna live through it
try to recognize it and maybe even save it
I'm always the one doing these things for you
I'm always the one when you can't do it
In return
Getting angry so soon
Getting angry at the past too

It's a good day
Owning my feelings and pain this way
haven't turned on the tv nor tried to run away
It's a fucking good day today.

Drinking Wine well into the Night

Some nights are just not creative, try as I might
So I write a journal entry in hopes that it will insight
Drinking wine well into the night

I wanna write something about the men and women that I love.
I wanna write something about loving more than one man at a time.
I wanna write something totally self indulgent about taking taking taking
Selfless lover giving, living, heaving, then leaving.
My libido selfish and needy
My soul hungry and greedy

I've got this urge to be totally obsessed in my writing in my art
I've got this urge to be totally obsessed and undressed by your heart
I'll kiss you on the neck and wherever else you want it
But call me when its not warranted and you won't reach me
It's sad and true
You exist here for me, not me for you.

But in the end I will give you more than your heart desires.
I'm the dream come true for you, come witness all this fire
The passion burns all day and night in art and love in sex and fight
You won't be sorry in the end
It's living life to the fullest every minute every second.

Keeping up is part of the ultimate draw
Staying up with me but having your world already in place
is the one that keeps the fire ignited
Strange as it may seem, a busy man is a sexy man
Whether it be work, music or family a self obsessed man
with a palate and a plan with libido in hand.