Schooling

No more waiting
No more waiting tables for you in my underwear
No more back seat to this propriety
working with these selfish identities
the people I know trying to develop me as though they have something better than me
always trying to school me

My schooling days are coming to an end, and you can say what you want about this that and the other
and
you can show off your skills and expect me to cower
and
you can try to instigate by suggesting I'm afraid
a deer caught in headlights
you can do what you want
but sometimes the followers will lead
and sometimes the schooled will teach
and sometimes I may close my eyes and give you the finger
and walk away
give you the finger and walk away

half of my years spent
being second best
to you them and everyone else
coveting something meant for someone else
but the day is closing when the hourglass is about half
the day is coming to the mid point
mid life
middle of the road
midlife crisis? I don't think so
Mostly calculated but not always so clear,
I took a backseat to you my dear
for many years

But now my schooling is done
for there were so many things I still have to learn
but will lead in the ways that maybe you cannot follow.
And if you cannot, then that is your own sorrow...

Your Dour Gray Suit

Today we got the news like something pushing at some imaginary belt line slowly waiting to be excavated
She will be leaving us soon
And I've heard the story all too many times and sang the song myself far too many times
and I've no time left in my day to roam on the quiet shores alone and in my world
I've no time left in my day to kiss these so called wounds nor the ass of some weakling whore
I've no time today to fall asleep at this here blue screen I've no time today to follow my song or sing my dream
I cut tomatoes into my salad as I trudge through the sludge and I keep hearing the echoes of fear which are far too real but hold us imprisoned to an impoverished system that is material and empty
and I hear these voices far too clear and far too loud and I hear their cries trying so hard to bring us down
to keep us down
and hold us down
despite the sweat dripping down our faces and the blood bleeding out of our guts
despite the tears gripping our souls like shoe laces and the spit on our clothes stuck
from the anger you've leashed on us, because you're grasping for survival
all of it masked by the new ones' arrival
focus our energy here, focus our energy there, but at the end of the day everyone knows how dirty is your underwear, your laundry your sock drawer
overflowing with tathered toes you are unwilling to retire.

My dress laced with leather doused with feathers fitted and measured will never fit your dour gray suit.

Giving up Portraits

I've given into the giving up my portraits, I have no idea whether I come or go

I'm so used to the weathering, the tethering of my dreams

Holding myself back but pushing myself forward

To such opposite extremes

On the one hand I get what I want

in terms of toys and gain

on the other hand I don't get to nourish my soul

like dancing in the rain 

on the one hand I help so many others in need

at the cost of me

Sure they get what they want

and they get a piece of me

and at the end of the day, there is not much left

have I surrendered to this soul

of helping people helping people

at the expense of rock and roll

Isn't what I am doing noble? Not if it causes harm

to my soul and the ones around me

Not if I'm barely hanging on...

There are so many things to worry about

About making ends meet and such

and people not capable of bringing in their share

and living in the dust

And at the end of the day

and even the beginning I can barely even start

so saddened by the fear and prospects

of this and that and us

To where you have come....

Everyone talking about doing this and doing that
Bragadocious as it may seem to some
Also known as self promotion, albeit to some it's shameless
to others harmless
To what do we owe the hate?

Jealousy it laughs and screams and turns a red steam faced lady
Selfish people talking about themselves, it's easy to complain.
But you've worked so hard, brothers and sisters, and in that there is no harm
There is no harm in letting your loved ones know what you've done
To where you have come

Resistance and admiration
is what you will get, and
you'll learn who your real friends are
you will learn who your true fans are
you will learn so much about these people
when you're name is in lights
you will learn so much about these people
who is real and who is alright
in their lack of action
lack of communication
lack of response

No words say a lot
No communication is in and of itself communication
and those people tell so clearly on themselves

What is wrong with a little praise?
A little acknowledgement of what you've done so far
which is more than many will do in a lifetime
but maybe not enough for you
which may not be a lot to some people
but just enough for you

I praise you my boys and girls
for life is too short to care
we're all on a path here
why not we all share

Be proud of what we're achieving, how little it may seem
Mustn't forget the big picture, the larger things, the scheme
And if they cannot praise you, you know so much about them
too busy in their own mental drama, to really be a friend