spreading myself thin

i'm really good at it. always putting myself in a position where i have to choose. so now i'm here again.

karen love semanek (aka maxim velour) and I have been writing music on and off for 6 months. she's a lead guitarist first, as well as a drummer, and as a child she was trained on violin. she's also an encyclopedia of music. now she's got a recording studio in the works, so she's a budding engineer and producer too. wearing many hats. and she graciously pours time and energy into my little songs to make them amazing rock jigs. but for some reason i have not been 100% devoted to my own music. call it insecurity. call it fear. this last week however due to a last minute gig opportunity i was given, we have been working triple time to hone down the perfect sound for my 8 songs (plus a couple of hers). they are sounding so much better, fuller, and hopeful. i'm impressed and excited. i had forgotten how much time and energy it takes to start a band from scratch. which is what is happening here. i realize that i have forgotten how to be patient. this impending fear that i'm running out of time.

and whether I was not willing out of fear, and halfway hoping my old band would get over its ego maniacal hangups and hook back up because it is soooo much work to start over (it will be a year next month since zeitgeist auto parts went on official hiatus, and two years since we went on unofficial hiatus), those feelings are now gone daddy gone. the reality of my situation has set in.

so, when i resurfaced from the haze about two weeks ago, came to my senses that the music is in my blood, i must seek it out for it won't find me. i sent out my feelers. i reconnected with karen number one and discovered we're already half way there. and another prospect that landed in my lap was the opportunity to play rhythm guitar in a female fronted heavy rock band, just be the guitarist, learn the riffs, show up for rehearsals and shows and get to play out of town. fun. fun. fun. right? someone else's project, and vision, she does all the work, writes the song, all i gotta do is show up and play. easy peasy and fun.

now the dillema.

my heart says: be brave. forge ahead. do the project you want to do. believe in yourself.

my head says: there is no harm in having fun, putting your eggs in a couple baskets for now. getting out there and playing. getting experience and meeting people.

my heart says: true. it would be fun and good experience, but......you can play guitar in anyone's project,,,

my head then says: but beware of spreading yourself too thin. both projects could suffer. you could end up putting your own project on the back burner for someone else's project.

i think i've answered my own question.