Gay is Rock 'n' Roll but better.

Visions of power lesbians dance in my head
The Mormons, the Prostitutes and some Rock 'n' Roll

She says
The straight men are all just upset
The gay men are out having all the fun
Having all the sex
Always getting laid.

If only they could decipher the anger, I say

Except the rock n roll guys they get the best of both worlds
Dress up like women and fuck who they want
Do what they want
She says.

I say, gay is Rock 'n' Roll but better.
Gay has always been better.

In these days my photo will change
As I will wear more chains and more chains
And he points says I came across different
He kinda thought he was alone
I've been feeling this way for years
Since I started
Airy-fairy hippy-dippy sexology is not my style
From the mountain towns
Gay atheist educators, we're from downtown
But I don't say this out loud.
Don't want to offend the others by being too proud.
But

Me too, I think, as a creator I don't need to say it out loud.

Pretending I'm Brave

I'm not brave
If I was I'd be somewhere out in the cold
Maybe not alone
Braving with my soul

But I'm not brave
I've nestled down and playing a role
one which I abhor

I'm not brave
I'm not adored
on the contrary
faking it
when I'm really bored

Cozy little family
You don't really love me
How could you?
You don't even know me
Everyone just going along

Consumed by woes of credit and taxes
of paychecks and masses
shielding ourselves with maskes
laxes Demascus Rose.

I'm so not brave, just confident with airs
and the gift of gab
well spoken with an air of royalty
and the gift of gab.

I'll probably have a drink and let the moon do it's duty
And then I'll probably sink into a heavy sleep.
Nothing will change and I'll continue to pretend that I'm brave.

Of Withdrawing and Creation

This is exactly what I need
I've got insight and ideas brimming at my knees
I've got memories and dramas of things I once believed
I've got rhythm and blues and a blouse that needs hemming
shoes that are scuffed and ladies in waiting

This is exactly what I need

I've got the things which no longer deserve my time
but that which I still deliver
people and places, creations and things
manifestations of projects I did as a fling
prolific he calls it
though others may call it flighty

I've got to keep moving
on and on away from things which hold me back
keep me in place by fear of withdrawing 
a fear of withdrawing
And continue this creation


I've got songs coming out of my left ear and each shoe
I've got a message in a bottle that says
"I am going to eat you"
I've got movies and books and words galore
I've got business ideas that'll deplete you to the floor
so let's stop this madness this mayhem this biting
let's stop this insulting, general hating and fighting

Eat your veggies if you want desert
and be the last one standing if you want to get there first
And stop lying to yourself that all the rest matters
accept the truth as it hits you face like a mad hatter
Sing the songs out loud at the top of your lungs
And feed your babies the best food even if it means moving on

And as my mother told me once,
"Follow the road that is in front of you"
It's there if you look, right there in front of you
Forming, can you see it with your every move.

Ghost of Halloween Past

Still hanging on after years and years and years of despot
and drone
and knowing what I know
still seeking approval when you are long gone
dead in the ground
it should be
for things are long gone.

Sure there are flights of fancy
you come when you're around
sure there are fits of energy
you call when you are one
and you pulled it together for me
one entire week of reverie
and beyond that there is nothing
nothing left of you and me

I still call you my friend though I beg to differ
I make the efforts and without alcohol
you wither

but in times you've come through
because deep down you do care
deep down past all the judgment
self doubt and critical analytical
there is a creative mind that cares.

and after a night of creative inspiration
with open hearts and new joie de vivre
reminders that x is
a generation that feeds it's souls.
I feel the judgment slip away for a moment
for a moment I am free
and recognize the judgment
is in me
I carry the torch within me
a seed you planted
that still haunts me
like the ghost of halloween past.
to the detriment of my own soul.
And what is there to see is that the only judge left
is me.

Sing Unto You

Singing sighing
I was, eyelash, eyeliner
who cares it's all the same
the words will come when the sun sets
it's not time for that, midnight
the sound comes first, middle of the night
the melody comes at 1AM
the music first midnight
the rock n roll. all night
lady shining light

I've no time for words these days
but the lavishly singing I want not to behave
I just want to come home
and sing sing unto you
my guitar in my arms
and sing unto you

September Slow

Virgo sun shifted quietly in as my leo rising sank into the dim
September is almost here my friends
September boys quietly move in

With your loyalty, integrity, dependency lack of social malignancy
Virgo September boys are still waiting

I shift in my skin, anxious, driving and driven
I determine and determinedly move necessity to prove
my artistic nature, my creative nature. when it should soothe.
soothe me in and out
it should soothe.
September boys, diligently move, decidedly and peacefully
though I know anxiety is yours too

And all the April girls know, that everyone else moves much too slow.

Follow Thru

In these new days of sobriety
I am so wide awake
empty in my gut
sad without my love.

I gotta keep writing
I gotta keep playing
something prevents me
I keep on straying
self sabotaging
self betraying

It's not like I have forgotten you
I just fear the moment I touch you
your silky black frame
and strong six strings
you melt like butter in my fingers

But I so easily freeze
in the freezing days
of blur and burr
I so easily take up
cheaply with new friends
and the old
wanting to be the druggie in me
wanting to think it can be good forever

I've hurt many along the way but mostly I've hurt myself
easily giving in to the buzz buzz buzz
any day
in fact every single day
complaining about the extensive long work days
but then making up with disaster in between
waking up with a massive headache and days lost
in between

It's not that I ignore you
touching your shiny white skin
because when I play you
the black notes in between
the minor minor songs I've written
However unfinished
I feel blessed and happy
shiny again

Yes, I am writing for work
Writing this and that
Writing about what I learned
Yes, I'm doing what feels right to my heart
but why do I constantly leave out the art?

Even though every now and again
I come back around
I throw myself in again
But fear and doubt seep slowly in
It's true
I'm the creator, not the victim
I'm the creation of a victim in her own skin

I hear the words coming out of my mouth
about him or her or them or that
I hear them resonate
I break down barriers for the world
but for some reason I can't tear em down
within

So the time is now
I'm setting new goals
again
but this time I've had enough
of trying to pretend

Making time in your schedule is not enough
follow thru is the only thing that wins
in the end.