Follow Thru

In these new days of sobriety
I am so wide awake
empty in my gut
sad without my love.

I gotta keep writing
I gotta keep playing
something prevents me
I keep on straying
self sabotaging
self betraying

It's not like I have forgotten you
I just fear the moment I touch you
your silky black frame
and strong six strings
you melt like butter in my fingers

But I so easily freeze
in the freezing days
of blur and burr
I so easily take up
cheaply with new friends
and the old
wanting to be the druggie in me
wanting to think it can be good forever

I've hurt many along the way but mostly I've hurt myself
easily giving in to the buzz buzz buzz
any day
in fact every single day
complaining about the extensive long work days
but then making up with disaster in between
waking up with a massive headache and days lost
in between

It's not that I ignore you
touching your shiny white skin
because when I play you
the black notes in between
the minor minor songs I've written
However unfinished
I feel blessed and happy
shiny again

Yes, I am writing for work
Writing this and that
Writing about what I learned
Yes, I'm doing what feels right to my heart
but why do I constantly leave out the art?

Even though every now and again
I come back around
I throw myself in again
But fear and doubt seep slowly in
It's true
I'm the creator, not the victim
I'm the creation of a victim in her own skin

I hear the words coming out of my mouth
about him or her or them or that
I hear them resonate
I break down barriers for the world
but for some reason I can't tear em down
within

So the time is now
I'm setting new goals
again
but this time I've had enough
of trying to pretend

Making time in your schedule is not enough
follow thru is the only thing that wins
in the end.