The Ghost That is Within Me

Shallowness and sadness ensues, but I want to believe we can get by with very little
and that that greed of a country doesn't phase me, will no longer phase me.
And I want to say I have finally uncovered the fear or mess of living in a space
And that was that it is beyond what is meant for me.
What is possible, feasible and real for me as a unity.
Uni, Solo, or unsolidarity.

I crave for a simpler life and simpler existence
and I crave for nothing new. nothing. just the old and simplistic
And if you hadn't noticed this is all bullshit I am not sure who what or why
Where I was trying to be, live, what I was trying to be, and why I am trying to impress me?
And, now when I say going underground, I don't mean I am going to give up the lipstick
Does this mean it is a shallow irreverant meaningless chide, carrying a simple tote with your Chanel sunglasses, when you're a sample sale bride? I cannot even stand to write because I'm standing forever in the moonlight, of darkness. There is not enough light.

I am screaming inside for the mess I created, mess I caused, mess I believed would save me my sanity but in the end it became a burden which ate away at the innards every single day.
It didn't work the way it should have, on paper plates I never ate.
So I straddled the worlds, coming from too much, never giving up the ghost, wanting to have too little, but unable to live down the five stars.

Now, I say is when am I going to stop doing the things doing the do's, reality please save me from the mess that could drag me under further, drag my soul any deeper down under. I wonder if it is ultimately doomed. There is little pleasure in writing the words anymore as solvenly duty and the worldliness of the world has taken over my entire body and soul.

I still remember the day at the Laundromat, somewhere in the Valley. Reading the posted notes in Spanish. Broke and blissful. I wish I could hang on to that day. It was a hot day in LA.

I wanted a return to slim pickings, but when I got there I froze my ass off and when I returned to a warm safe space, I see it is sucking me dry statistically, realistically, fundamentally, I want to give it all away. I think I would give it all away. Although quitting doesn't suit me, and I don't want to throw anything away. Didn't I work hard and struggle? Probably not. Sometimes I feel like a spoiled imbicile. Why do I deserve this grail? Because, somehow, it doesn't make sense. None of it. The world between safety, warmth and simplicity that I straddle daily.

I said I wanted the wheels and since then I have changed my mind and as I write I like to think that I have given up that ghost but I have yet to find solidarity in the ghost that is within me. Because despite my strength, I know the influence and judgment of the worldly wordy despots may continue to dig in me.

Can we go to a different plane and still live in the City of Angels, or any mega city or suburb in the Western world for that matter, or are we forever doomed to straddle that of the plight of la boheme and the business man?

Going underground, for a bit.

So, I'm going off the radar a bit
I'm going underground a bit
Your materialism is a farce and confuses me a bit
Can't fake it

She stays with him, a bit
And we shook our tale feathers a bit
but Rock n Roll still lives
There is still time to save your soul

Followed the faces a bit,
Facebook stalking some call it
Remember Rock n Roll is real
And the time is now to save it

Wake up fall over this week
Splitting head ache it seems
The work it never ends
but today I'm going underground
I'm taking back what was ours
and giving it to the kids
the kids of our youth
the kids we were in our youth.

The shadows linger a bit
The days of plenty falter a bit
The days of communism and war coming our way
in a bit
I'm not a prophet nor do I know much of anything
But the youthful days of freedom and plenty have gone
and we've got to sacrifice face and hide a bit
We've got to give up the ghost
a bit
We've got to go hungry and want and need and fear
a bit
Or we can run off to Spain or somewhere warm in Central America
or Florida and hide out a bit
But the world will be changing in a bit
And to be prepared is something illegit
But we are Legit, until we go underground and then
We're on the lam, running, hiding
and that's what it must be for a bit.

Solemn Face

Solemn smile
Solemn face
Please don't waste your feminine beguiles
naivete to accept thee any which way
people love thee when you are beautiful
but don't see what is beneath
suffering and fear
and whatever else
and yet here we are running near

Solemn face
I won't disgrace
myself by giving myself away
to that place
of ass kissing
ass giving
to another unwitting face
another big name
another snotty upper hand card holder
when you give nothing in return
when you don't deserve that space.

Over

The boys of the valley
Who's glory days are over
Long gone disjointed tattooed parlor misfortune
Gone are the days in the clover

The boys of the valley in their rattlin machines
A tough guy appearance
Big and burly and mean

And the girls of the valley with curvaceous swinging misleading
Where you headed your way down to death row
Beheading the way down to death row and destruction
Long haired sex goddess ladies swaying hips
big boots and Marilyn lips

Gentleman's club on every corner
Sipping some beer with your pizza supper
Yummy, ignorant bliss

Tough tatted valley boys who once were a misnomer
Desired and outnumbered now a plethora you are all over
A dime a dozen a million to one you are all over
On top of the world on top of the busty girls
Charming smiles and chiseled chins

Boys of the valley, once you were wanted all over

Wanted all over

Swimming pool patio party down by the wash
Driving to the BBQ in your Range Rover
Hairdresser girl, Bartending ladies,
Bouncer Valley Boy
But 'tis sad but true.
The days of the Valley are over.

Any real Sense.

Gotta write one more poem about it
Even though my piano came tuned
And I don't think it's gonna happen anymore
I just can't imagine it would happen anymore
After you sold everything you had
everything you'd ever owned

Another failed band
Another talented artist
I sleep at night knowing
I did whatever I could to do.
I followed my dream the passion
I followed myself through
I can only do it for me

So I'm throwing it away
I'm throwing it all away
Chalking it up to a bad investment
I failed myself in this way

All I can say is I believed
And what a great journey it has been
tremendous growth and a sigh of relief
that from here on out
and here within
I'm throwing away all the plans we made
all the plans I believed in
I'm throwing them all away
And starting a new beginning.

Not attached to these investments
Though sadness and letting go is real
my eyes and heart will forever look fondly
in these vision I once could feel
I now look to a new dawn
a sunrise I can sense
Towards making sense
Though non of it much ever made any real sense.

Letting Life Get in the Way

And I forgot the empty promises
so familiar
I forgot the bitter matches evil stares
so peculiar
I forgot the ugly malaise
the illness from within
I forgot how hard I tried
even got sick
Time and time again

I had a momentary weakness
they say Venus is retrograde in Scorpio
so here I am perhaps running back
to places maybe I should not go

And maybe I'll just venture alone
Don't want to rely on prison smiles
Judging and cold
And this running to familiar arms
is bitter and old

But take it for what it is worth
The streets of foreign cities call
After hours pubs, where style and art may crawl

Keep the smiles to a minimum
You're on another road
Keep your smiles for the recognized
the ones who doth behold

This time I'm letting go. I've thrown the pictures away
This time I'm getting old. Letting life get in the way.

My Stupid Memory Faded

I cannot remember the remembering day
I cannot the remember the point
the hands slowly stopped prying
apart my seams

I can't seem to remember the irresponsibility
I cannot seem to remember the insanity
I can only remember the handshake

After that the rest was stupid.
And in the end all of this is stupid.

And in the darkest hour of the night
Alone
Who doesn't want to become one with the night
Taking death by its hands
Into the emptiness
Like my stupid memory which faded
Anyway