Worth Something in the End

At the end of the day, who is really happy anyway?
With all our free spirited democracy and social networking hypocrisy
every one is still just trying to live fighting their anxieties

When our parents are getting older and our sisters are still getting high
and illness has seeped in to every corner of everyone's psyche
trying to pretend we're still sane
trying to act like we've got it made

I dreamt that they had to take him back, our cat
and I cried and cried wondering if he was lonely if he was eating

And any of my real blood is halfway around the world living an existence
so different
And I live in a house full of idiots so that I can go and play rock shows and speak about sex woes.
And at the end of the day, no one is really happy and no one is anyone anyway.
We aren't of this earth, just vessels we've decided to invoke
let's just say a prayer and look forward and pray this will all be worth something in the end.

The Artist in Me...

I realize my own misgivings, of what I was to blame
A thousand years in hiding, they all went up in flames
Because I grew up and grew out of that fear of the unknown
Not believing in myself and that I'd an artist in me to hone
Not just an artist a developer writer doer fighter independent
And I should have known that playing guitar every day for 10 years, you've nowhere to go but grow

I did not see it then and I took thee down with me
Handsome and prince like even then you followed me.
I clung to you like madness and begged and begged forgiveness
We got married in the fall and by winter I beared witness
to the life that I could live on my own if only I'd had known
I would have never let you go down the road with me
Wretched blazed unhappy me, and you'd spent
the nights alone.
I was only looking for me, the artist in me. You were waiting for me to grow.

If only I would have listened when you said, We're not the same
If only I'd had witnessed that hard work is what brings gain
And you forced me to stay put to buckle down for Love
because even in my lying ways I loved you as deep down and above.


You're a simple friend with a simple life and simple ways
And I know you were true you loved me in the haze
And I know I didn't make it easy not believing in myself
I know I didn't make it easy putting us on the shelf
I held onto you so selfishly just wanting your acceptance
When you would've loved me anyway, and even more if I'd made sense.

But too much anger under the bridge washed away our bond
and when I woke up from the sadness
I knew that we were gone
And all I had left was this artist who had been fighting for so long
To be seen, to be heard, that had been there all along
Wanting, pushing, trying, struggling to write a song.

It wasn't about the music a band or piece of art
The life I wanted to embrace was living from the Heart
To scrub down to the bottom of this material world
and scrape back up to the top
A Musician, Artist, Entrepreneur, who struggles but never stops.
A creative life is one that embraces it's very day
We don't rely on others, and we never take the easy way.

And all this growth in me, came somewhere from within,
But you gave me some keys and tools
That blossomed in my skin.
You taught me that I must stay, you taught me not to give in.
You taught me that with time things will change for the better
Dues and time. Just begin!
And so I did, not knowing I was laying bricks and foundation.
And when it finally hit me, it was too late. I'd already started to Listen.

The Dawning of the Tiger...

On this here eve, she said she's got the tiger by the tail.
Grabbing it's rear end, I suppose is what it entails.
For me there is no more grabbing, no holding on or hanging
For me I can only let go and look the tiger in the face.

I've let go of misgivings and desires I have untold
I've let go of worries of things I've so wanted to control
There is no such thing as control
this is one thing I have learned.
And if there is one thing I have learned
There is little I can control.

So I have surrendered to let it go, and just to let it all flow.
This next year will be filled with turmoils and unknowns.
Just like every year we're told, but fear cannot hold
onto me like a rope wanting to control.

If there is one thing I have learned from the 3 weeks I was gone
Just let it go
Just let it be
Where they may, Let the cards fall
Appreciate the morning, the sun, the sky, my breath.
Appreciate my freedom, my arms and my legs.
Appreciate my kitchen, my garden and my sisters, brothers, best friends.
Appreciate the life I am given for one day it could all end.

The fringe and the fringeness...

Grieving and sadness pedaling my sickness.
It's true I have something like the flu.
Maybe it's the chemtrails spreading disease onto the lands
who knows, it just comes and it goes.

Maybe I'm dying.
Maybe it's all almost over.

I mean it could be any day.
This minute, this day, tomorrow
our last day.

I am going to relax and not let these things get the best of me.
Curtail our excesses for now until recovery.
Curtail our excesses and push it to the edges.
The fringe and the fringes.

The Garden, The Rose and The Ho

I woke up thinking about the things that could have been
I woke up remembering and regretting even what might have been

A Joan Baez circle was in my dream, and I woke up wishing I could just swim
Swim past these superficial, ambitious, superfluous simplicities
Success driven men and ladies all trying to get a piece
Like vultures grabbing for any little bit of accolades of acknowledgment
of money and of fame.
In my dream of course We were going to go, even though I say to myself No.

I staunchly and firmly believe in No Regrets,
but talking with an old friend also so far away
from where he once was
from where we once were and the things the things he once had offered
to me and himself
we've slowly slipped away

That good life is not far away, or maybe this cold war is the one thing I feared my entire life
of rationing and fight
of hiding, fear and flight
an economic recession a downturn of fiscal responsibilities
and we the people no longer holds meaning

Who would choose the grim snow over the island she mused,
and I recognize the fear he must have infused.
And his digression and regret in what he chose
When open mindedness and freedom lighted his abode
I once felt the same way.
But we could have traveled the world together I suppose
I'm sure we would have had I allowed to bloom that rose.
But I went with another garden, another gardener. I chose.
And, come on, afterall he was kind of a Ho.

So now we are two, friends still in the end, as I am with everyone
now and again
And the war is in full swing, it's the 20's, the 40's the 60's again.
With protesters and angry civilians
With global warming and a Black president
It's civil war and world war all over again.

We're broke and we're struggling with visions of grandeur in our minds
We crave the road and hope it will get us away from all this mess
But the world is a downturn flying falling into the abyss
The end is near we know, yet we hope this will be bliss.

And, we're older now, not like we were in our 20's.
When we were swinging wild and crazy,
God, I loved the 90's, flower and music San Francisco.
Clinton was president and growth was in the air.
I was 23 and I was going everywhere.
Fashion, Art, Travel. We were going to do it all.
We did for a short time.
And then slowly one by one, we did fall.

Some of us still standing driven by success.
Ambition of sorts, still dressing to impress.

I woke up this morning and realized too
That what we have in our 20's is gone.
We can continue to try to recreate, but many people are tired.
So make new friends if you choose who want to party and light the fire.
But, let the old go. Let your old friends retire if they desire.

I'm big into letting go of anything in my wake.
I'm ready to live a free existence
Free from your aroused state.

Thoughts of Drive on the Drive

I checked my eyes in the mirror
They were red
It was a long day behind the wheel
But
I'm glad to be here

Although the thoughts of drive kept surfacing all day
On the drive
So you are where you are today
One step at a time
It's not the end all be all.
I start wondering...

Quiet the words. I learn that in time.
Quiet the words that come out of their mouths.
And turn up the rock. Turn up the rock.
Turn off the clock.

Check.

Teetering this close to the edge. New friends, old friends, tons of friends yes.
You are just where you need to be. right now. yes.

rock shows. check.
stripper poles fixed. check.
flash gifs. check.
moving forward not backward. check.
ads. check.
associations. check.
musicians. check.
work. check.
work. check.