circles

moving in circles
the ones that encapsulate
feathers that breed

i'm tired of the themes
in this life
can't figure out ways to make it better

i circulate within
ideas only in my mind
change the outer feel
to help the inner
being

but the inner wants out
when it knows i won't leave
or perhaps i will move

i had it for a day
perhaps even a week
and before that a few

and now it seems gone
lost
sold its soul to an abyss

i create these circles
inside
with an iron fist
that i can't even create
no force

i know i will stay to finish
what's started
but what is not even there
doesn't even have a chance
to exist

style

i was inspired by her hair
day two
so much like something
i used to do
or did
before

no fancy no foder
on her face

but still caring, daring
in a public place

sometimes i feel like its such a waste
for a rainy day or a sad face
with no style

but like one said
it's a state of mind
even when your naked
asleep

when you wash your clothes
lay around
you never know
what will abound of course
where you may have to go

tomboy lipstick who cares
fashion is not just for girls
not a feminist de-construct

do you lose it sometimes
and years go by
it will still be mine
simple but mine
different versions of the same

still sometimes a little nudge
a new face that reflects back

not like those following trends
or try to wear what is only in
this stuff is way beyond them

sometimes what you like is in
easily found
other times you wish you had a sewing machine

what you should know

saying a lot of stuff
about we this
and we that

remember
the poetry is within me
like the songs that haven't been written

sure i play guitar
sometimes i ride along
i will

but more so happy to have found this voice
again

and i won't be tricked into giving
100% more than i can give
guilted into living
a life i cannot live

and i won't be sharing information
with each and every one
giving ammunition
on how my life is run

like friends who manipulate and cheat
live in a cloud of denial
and deceit

i mean as long as you are honest
with yourself
and who am i to judge?

but it does spill over you probably don't see
how your lies, and judgement affect me

your insecurity drowns out the voice
of mine, and everyone's
though somewhere underneath i know you can hear

but i am afraid it will be too late my friend
and i have no more time to waste
coddling your confused and petty face
wishing you had friends that followed you
as though life were a race
for money
or fame
or beauty

they never will, you know
everyone has got thier own
you know
battles to win
ghosts to chase
aspirations and reasons
for living different than yours

invested maybe not
but history is a joke
it bears no witness for what is to come
there's something you should know

your expectations will fall flat
so rely on what's in you
you will only get to keep what's yours
what's inside your soul

stop looking for guarantees
on a life worth living

i've never had a dream
when reality was present

liberation and lonely

expel all the exterior repression
and break free. liberation and lonely go hand in hand. it always seems.
but can you pull your head out higher up to see. you are better off without the ones
you remember. draggin you down. to the ground. like that forgotten clown.
you said it yourself. you wanted this you've felt, so many times in the past
home is where the heart is. and you've got a good one.
people want to own you claim you use you for their own needs, and you accept
is being lonely really so bad that it drives people to do the crazy be the crazy
allow the crazy
in
smart girls, proud girls, lonely girls all waiting to be taken in
in this country where more is better
and everyone in this city is expecting gold
to take them to heaven, any second now, it's going to happen, i can feel it
so you tried to call yesterday, and she never did call, is it a game people play to win
and why does it hurt when you do it too, when it only serves as a reminder to you
to break free of this, expel the exterior repression
liberation is in your hand
and lonely is in your mind

further

talk is cheap
these words drown desire
and hold me down

it is something you want to hear
specific
wanting to hear
your own voice
idealisms like yours
narcissism

for years i supplied
willingly along
agreed
what you wanted to hear
needed
to go ahead

i too
believed those words i said
true
wanted to believe in you

somewhere along
the words lost meaning
maturity ensued
the lights came on
ideals renewed
rediscovered

and i woke up
lost
alone
living a life of someone
unknown

see those words
won't work anymore
or for me now
and perhaps never did
fell off before i even met you
and i have to be true

afraid these new words
can't stand up
don't fit in
perhaps time is now
un-do, and re-do

as my thoughts flew
and out of your control
i flew

along today
i go on my own
still

further and further away
from anyone's control

we fed each other
i fed you, you fed me too
for too many years

there is a neediness in you
that i can no longer fulfill

history

1977-1988 Extensive training in classical piano (Composers studied include: Bach, Beethoven, Chopin, Tchaikovsky, Mozart, Haydn)
1981-1983 Played clarinet in school band (Walnut Acres Elementary)
1982-1988 Jazz Dance, Classical Indian Dance
1986- Start writing poetry
1993- Got first guitar (acoustic) and began self teaching
1995- Got first electric guitar (Fender Strat) and Crate practice amp
1995-1998 Lots of song writing temporary posts in bands: Jah Rebel, Jen's Holding (bought 2 Korg keyboards)
1999-2001 Writer for SFGirl.com (Online Column)
2000-2001 DJ on Luxuriamusic.Com
2001-2006 Poems published in International Poets Society
2001-2006 Guitarist in Ze Auto Parts

save your pajamas for another year

the days of long pants and boots are over
as the sun shines on the west
desert heat blows in from the east
what the sun will see

now in skirts and cut up tees
the girls dawn their summer wear
the boys in tanks in hummer v's
los angeles will be

i desire to sew up skirts
to cut off hair
the dark makeup around the eyes
indian style
night

no more
caught up in another decade
somehow doesn't fit anymore
though some may try
actually pull it off

day is here
save your pajamas for another year